fièvre
by ailleurs
Summary: there were some things Hermione could never have. – dmhg.


**fièvre**

by _refractive_

_(This is probably best read slowly, with pauses after every number. Seriously, no rush.)_

* * *

><p><strong>79.<strong>

There were touches, and then there were _touches_.

She learned, in a short time, the difference between the two.

He would trail his fingers down her hips, but he would settle them around her waist.

He would grab a curl of her hair and kiss it, but he would push it away behind her ear.

He would leave without saying a word, but he would kiss her hello in the morning.

There were touches, and then there were _touches._

_**48.**_

_The day when he came and the day when he left…_

_They are almost the same._

_She thinks of his stares and she thinks of his glances._

_She thinks of his words and she thinks of his silence._

_Those are not the same._

_Not at all._

**52.**

She wasn't sure when it started.

His stares that burn and brand her-

His touches on her open palm, her uncovered wrist that tells

Her heart pulsing, beating, racing for him.

She wasn't sure when those started.

But she was sure that she loved him

Before that first stare...

Before that first touch

**49.**

His words carried more meaning than he let on-

Unspoken promises, but promises nonetheless

That she can't help but hope.

His silences however…

When he is silent, his eyes speak.

And the words they say are ineffable

So ineffable that it breaks her heart.

She would always turn away.

_**22.**_

_She says the words she shouldn't._

_"I love you."_

_He kisses the corner of her mouth, a smudge on her cheeks._

_"Good."_

**46.**

The war started before she knew it.

Everything was turned upside down

Inside out

Promises yesterday were forgotten

(They went up in smoke)

She forgot what exactly she said,

Except that she promised him

She would stay alive.

She wasn't sure if he promised the same.

**35.**

He was here, and yet he was not.

She missed his fleeting touches to her wrist

Because they mean something more now-

His touch to check her pulse

Meant he cared that she was alive.

_**39.**_

_There is blood on her cheeks._

_When he finally sees them, he doesn't say a thing._

_But when he sees them he wipes them away with his thumb._

_She leans to his touch_

_And forgets to care that there is blood on his hands_

**56.**

She would think of him and she would talk to him and as they camped out in tents,

In places that blur-

In forests that watch-

She thought that she has lost half of herself.

The war was cruel and they slept in the cold

With thoughts that slowly ate at her alive.

_Touches or touches?_

_**29.**_

_He leaves her with finger marks on her wrists and then he leaves tiny kisses_

_On those same wrists and she closes her eyes_

_Because everything will end_

_Soon_

**13.**

She sighed and her breath

Danced around her eyes

Until she fell asleep

**27.**

When the whole world will hold its breath

She would look for him

And she promised herself

That she would end this before

Before

Before everything ends

_**37.**_

_She says the words she shouldn't._

_"I love you."_

_The words stumble out of her lips, because they tremble._

_She's trembling as he holds her softly._

_His embrace is enough, she thinks._

_She lets herself be held._

**43.**

She thought of the last thing she said to him

Even though he was right in front of her

What did she say?

_Take care?_

_Be safe?_

Her mind whirred and her breath caught in her throat

She couldn't remember.

**50.**

The war raged on and she couldn't see, couldn't hear

Because everything was too bright, too loud

Her heart in her throat, she casted spells that she didn't knew she was capable of.

But it was either their life or hers, and she loved herself too much to love them.

_**16.**_

_Screams and blood and light and screams and blood and tears-_

_She casts a spell and she is crying as she runs_

_She runs from something she's not sure she can run away from_

_She turns around-_

_"Avada-"_

_She screams-_

_"Kedavra!"_

_She feels her heart stop._

_**100.**_

_She grabs his hands but they are already cold._

_She is screaming but no one can hear her._

_There are bigger things in life than them, her mind shouts._

_There are bigger things in life than __**you**__._

_She gasps and she screams and she hides her face in her hands._

"Please, no, please, no, please"

_She drops his hands and kisses his face-_

_His cheeks-_

_His closed eyes-_

_The corners of his lips, a smudge on his cheeks-_

_She kisses him desperately amidst the chaos._

_She feels his pulse._

_Nothing._

_She's not sure when she finds the strength to run._

**73.**

She let out a choked sob and grabbed his body-

Lifeless -

Dead -

_Gone._

They tried to help her up but she held fast to him.

_"Please don't do this to me, please"_

She couldn't breathe-

_"Please, please, please-_"

She was shaking

_"Please, please-"_

Harry pried her fingers from his arms-

_"Please, Ron, not you too-"_

The rest of her words were lost

Because she was crying too hard to form words

_**79.**_

_She says the words she shouldn't._

_"I love you."_

_He kisses the corner of her mouth, a smudge on her cheeks._

_"Good."_

_He grabs a curl of her hair and kisses it-_

_Runs his fingers down her hips and along her spine-_

_"I think I love you too."_

_But he wraps his hand around her waist and pulls her close._

_"You-"_

_He pushes a lock of curl behind her ear before meeting her eyes-_

_"You know I love you."_

**90.**

There were touches, and then there were _touches._

She forgot, over time, the difference between the two.

He would trail his fingers down her hips and he would settle them around her waist.

He would grab a curl of her hair and kiss it and he would push it away behind her ear.

He would leave without saying a word and he would kiss her hello in the morning.

Perhaps this was her punishment

For wanting them both

For keeping them both

For loving them both

She wasn't sure anymore.

.

**Dedicated to:**Alejandra! Have a lovely birthday!

.

**AN.**I deliberately made it vague, and I hope that you guys didn't realize the twist until near the end, ahaha. Anyway, Alejandra, I hope you like this! If any of you are still confused, then let me know and I'll do my best to clarify.

**Last edited on: **6 June 2012.


End file.
